Teaching, Trials, Truths.

(Let me apologize in advance if this post sounds overly negative. I'm in a pretty depressive mood. I'll do my best to remember the positve, too...) On Sunday my co-worker picked me up for church. Her church and house are about 15-20 minutes away from where I live by car. It was really neat to be able to see what looked more rural--rice fields, hills, trees, grass... The church building is fairly new--it was just built last year. As you enter the building, there are shelves where you leave your shoes and you use slippers they provide to wear upstairs in the sanctuary. In Korea it is very common to remove your shoes. Any house or traditional Korean restaurant has a very clean floor because it is where you sit. The church was very small and made up of mostly older people. Therefore, very few people were able to talk to me. Well, I take that back--they could talk to me, I just didn't understand them. But, they were friendly--especially the pastor's wife. She knew a little English and just kept holding my hand :). After church I went to my co-workers house for lunch. She still lives with her parents who are very involved at the church. Her mom made a great Korean meal for us, but they kept apologizing for not having much food!! It's so funny because there were two hot dishes and five or six of the regular cold dishes on the table. In the U.S. that would be a lot of food. Sunday afternoon I went out with the roommates and their friends from around here. This consists of other foreigners and a few Koreans who are exceptionally westernized. I prefered the company from the day before, I think... That night I needed alone time, so I headed back to the apartment while the others went out. Monday I got up early, did some exploring (I heard a cookoo bird! Did you know there's actually a bird that sounds like those clocks?? I had no idea!), emailing and laundry, and went to my first full day of classes. It went well. I have all the good classes on Mondays. I was thoroughly exhausted by the end, though. Today was pretty bad... I woke up with a major case of the blues (missing a certain someone). Tracy and I went to explore the market--that was a high point. I saw live octopi and squid and crabs, and what I think was a kumquat tree, and dogs being sold for eating, and lots of fish and fruits and vegetables. We bought a watermelon in celebration of the 4th of July (even though its technically the 5th here...). At school I spent a long time preparing for my classes--I have four in a row. I thought I had done a decent job, but by the time class started I had started developing a headache. In all four classes I had trouble keeping order and using the entire 50 minutes. Even the class that is usually good was rambunctious today. I was so frustrated. It adds to the problem that I don't know what the kids are saying when they talk to each other--are they explaining what I'm saying? Are they talking about something completely different? Do they understand me? Makes discipline tough too, because I don't want them to be punished for something they just didn't understand... I already feel like I'm out of ideas and energy and I have a whole year at this job! Honestly, today I thought, "There's no way I can make it a year." But there is..."I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," right? It will be a struggle, though. Going through refining fire HURTS! I feel like whining, "NO! I don't wanna!!" Elisabeth Elliot has been an incredible resource to help me get my perspective right. She doesn't let me wallow in self-pity (even though I often want to!). I brought both Passion and Purity and The Music of His Promises with me. I've found the chapter entitled "What to do with loneliness" from P&P extremely appropriate to my situation. Here are a few challenging quotes from Music of His Promises: "Real trust yields utterly to the One trusted. All desire is turned over to that One, believing His ability to manage, control, and finally to accomplish what is best." -pg. 9 "The problem [you] desperately [want] solved is God's means of getting [your] attention--not necessarily that He may reveal its solutions but most certainly that He may reveal Himself to [you]." -pg. 13 Yesterday I read a Bible passage that seemed like a good challenge for the year: "And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light." Colossians 1:10-12 Lord, this is what I want to do this year--bear fruit in whatever good work You set before me, grow ever closer to You and understand You more, be strengthened by Your power to complete what you've called me to, patiently enduring this year and the trials that come my way, and always thanking You joyfully. No amount of tribulation can overshadow the blessings You bestow and Your faithfulness. Well, this post was more personal than usual. I had originally planned for this blog to be more of a log of my cultural experiences... But, this is what I'm really experiencing.